USENET gems

USENET generates a lot of humour. A lot of good humour can be gotten by reading newsgroups like rec.humor.funny. Some of it is obscure, unintentional, and requires you to be fairly intimate with the topics of at hand. This is an attempt to collect some postings I find particularly amusing. Longer postings/threads are archived separated and are listed below.

• Fun with Nike

Date: Mon, 02 Apr 2001 12:56:58
Newsgroups: alt.law-enforcement.traffic,dc.driving,misc.consumers,rec.autos.driving

Brian Paulsen (brian@zeus.localdomain) wrote:

In article <3AC6CCD8.8E12DD93@ix.netcom.com>, 
wrote:

>I have a question. It would be interesting to compare the results.
>What actually deters YOU from speeding in your vehicle, if anything?

The fear of spilling my drink in my lap?

The fear that hitting a bump in the road will really hurt my knees as
they slam into the steering wheel?

The fear that hitting a bump will cause me to cut myself while I'm
shaving?

The fear of losing my concentration and dialing a wrong number which
will cause me to dial a number in Paraguay?

The fear of losing my concentration and tuning to the 'All disco - all
the time' station?

The fear that all of the above will happen at the same time?

:)
--
Brian



Newsgroup: misc.int-property

schlafly@bbs.cruzio.com writes:

In article <19970922015101.VAA27392@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
jtspangler@aol.com (JTSPANGLER) writes:

> Just a reminder that Xerox is a registered trademark, so you cannot
> "xerox" a xerographic copy, nor are there any "xeroxing" machines
> other than those made by the Xerox company.  Xerox periodically runs
> advertsing campaigns directed to avoid having their mark become
> generic through this sort of misuse.  But you already knew that,
> didn't you?

"Idiot" may also be a registered trademark, but it wouldn't stop me
from calling you an idiot.  The word "xerox" is commonly used in the
generic sense.

guy@panix2.panix.com writes:

L. Shelton Bumgarner <leebum@nottowayez.net> wrote:

: hey guys, I would be willing to write something about the creation
of : Usenet2, much like I wrote about the Great Renaming...all I need
is : the Cabal to email me their thoughts on what is happening now.

Ah, yes, Usenet II: the Great Renaming II.
---guy

psi@govt-aff.senate.gov (U.S. Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations) writes:

We are conducting an investigation into Internet fraud, the results of
which will be presented in a hearing presently scheduled for October
20.  As part of this investigation, we are interested in hearing from
persons who have had first-hand experience with fraud on the Internet
(as victims or otherwise).  Please feel free to contact us via e-mail
or telephone.

The Staff of the Permanent
Subcommittee on Investigations
Committee on Governmental Affairs
United States Senate
202/224-3721

Note "as victims or otherwise".

jason (jboer@localhost.localdomain) wrote:

: HOW TO USE LINUX TO ATTRACT GIRLS INSTANTLY....Secrets to instant sex appeal

Tell them you would like to mount their filesystem on your root
partition.

[I wish i never made that joke]

Sun, 02 Nov 1997 15:15:39
Newsgroup: comp.os.linux.advocacy
Subject: Re: Get a real OS -- get Linux!

pvilla@revolution.com writes:

Adam Stouffer  <tesla@sgi.net> wrote:

>Fred Astaire wrote:

>> Steve Mading <madings@earth.execpc.com> wrote:
>> >(Originally you called it "the" Linux loader.  That's not true.
>> >LOADLIN is not the *main* way to load linux.  It is *a* way it
>> >can be done but is not the "normal" way.)
>>
>> Has anyone had any luck loading Linux with EDLIN.EXE?
>
>do you know what the hell edlin is? its a very basic text editor.it
>was used before edit.com was around. from dos 1.x to 4.40

Are you sure?  I could have sworn it was the linker on the VAX 11/780!

Newsgroup: comp.os.linux.advocacy

od Smith <rodsmith@fast9.uceprotect.net> wrote:

>Even administering Linux doesn't take a CS degree, though familiarity
>with Unix (which you'd likely get in earning a CS degree) will help a
>lot.  Many distributions (including Red Hat) include some degree or
>other...